


Your Heart Is Fit For Home

by Avocado



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Female reader with a vagina, Illness, Kissing, Love, Mentions of Masturbation, Mentions of Sex, Oral Sex, Second Person Fic, Sex, and barney the droid, it's the hacker again, multi-part fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:19:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avocado/pseuds/Avocado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reunited with your lover a year and a half after you left him on Starkiller Base, you know things aren't going to be easy. But they certainly won't be boring. </p><p>Set after "Of All The Starkillers In All The Galaxy". A series of stories about your life with Kylo after you escape the Dark Side. Rating will go up in later chapters. Barney's back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to start this fic quite yet, as I'm still writing the Phasma one - but my friend wasn't feeling too happy today and so I wrote something to cheer her up. And hopefully you too! If there's anything you want to see the hacker and Kylo get up to just leave me a comment!

You had a multitude of places like this. Scattered all over the galaxy, small sanctuaries where you could hole up and hide from life (or the police, as had been the case a couple of times). They were backwater, out of the way. Occasionally it would be in a small community of like-minded people who were happy not to ask about each other’s backgrounds. They were places where you could fit in.

Of course, it wasn’t just you anymore.

Your ship made a low humming noise as it landed, settling heavily on the packed earth beneath. It was a smaller planet, off most of the main radars. Covered in trees and wild plants. Quiet, secluded. It was what he needed. What you _both_ needed.

He had been fading in and out of sleep for an hour or so. He had been adamant to stay awake, and his hand reaching across the console and gripping yours, as if he was afraid if he let go you would disappear and he would end up back in his ice prison all over again. It made it difficult to pilot the ship but honestly you were revelling in the contact. But when he started drifting off you hadn’t made an effort to stop him. It was probably the warmest sleep he’d had for… what? Months?

“Kylo, love,” you whispered, gently. He stirred a little. In the light of this place you could see how _sunken in_ he was. He had huge bags under his eyes, and his face was even paler than you could remember, and his cheekbones more defined. And then there was the matter of that _scar_ across his face.

You didn’t want to ask what had caused it. You figured it wouldn’t make him feel any better, and all you wanted to do at the moment was make sure he was comfortable. You admired the mark quietly for a moment. It was much like the scars that spanned the left length of your stomach. It had healed, certainly, but it still looked like it must have been vicious. The facial hair he had grown missed the marred skin making the deep pink colour of it even more noticeable. You imagined for a split second the pain he must have felt when he had been attacked so viciously to leave a scar of that size on his face – and then shook your head to rid your mind of it.

“Kylo,” you tried again.

 _Do you want me to start my siren?_ Barney began, being much louder than the tactful quietness you were using. You went to shoot him a look, but he had done his job. Kylo awoke violently and sat bolt upright. You heard him make a terrible panicked noise and his hand flew instinctively to his hip, to find his lightsaber which was no longer there. It pulled at your heartstrings seeing how scared he was. You clenched your jaw and tried not to cry. You raised your hands to show you were unarmed.

“Kylo, love, it’s me! It’s me!” you said, quickly. You reminded him of your name and a vague look of recognition crossed over his terrified face. His chest was still heaving but he was calming down. You watched as his eyes stopped flickering around the inside of the ship, trying to work out where he was, and settled on your face.

“I’m… I…” he didn’t say any more, only fell to his knees in front of you, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your side. Lord he was so _cold._ You felt that same pang in your chest and placed your hands in his hair. It was rather greasy, and you would have to fix that – you slapped yourself internally for being so vain, that was _hardly_ the most important thing.

 _His hair must be mank. He hasn’t washed it for months,_ Barney chipped in, helpfully, and that time you _did_ shoot him a glare. If looks could burn out circuits Barney would certainly be dead. You weren’t sure if Kylo had heard him though as he didn’t respond – he only shivered. Violently.

“Oh lord, let’s get you inside,” you said. The ship was certainly less cold than some ice cell but it wasn’t a paragon of warmth. You opened the ship door and placed Kylo’s arm around your shoulders and yours around his waist and helped him to his feet.

It wasn’t a particularly elegant walk you did to your home, the man _did_ have roughly a foot in height on you – but you got to the front door and in the place any way. You kicked the door open and pulled him inside.

Obviously with so many places like this scattered around the galaxy, you had a bit of a hard time keeping them all clean. If you wanted to do housekeeping of all of the places you wouldn’t _ever_ have time for any fun. The place was roughly twenty feet by twenty feet and it was sort of a mess. It was basically a one-room-place with a small closet-like area off the side to act as a bathroom. There was a double bed in the middle of the room, a rough kitchen along the left side, and a table and couple of chairs along the other. Barney had once delicately called it a shack. That was probably being generous, honestly.

You got Kylo to a chair and sat him down before shaking the bedsheets free of dust and transporting him over there. He practically moaned as he sunk into the thin mattress. You could imagine that it felt like heaven compared to that _pile_ he slept on in his cell. You thought back to your first few days on Starkiller, and the change over from that chair to a real bed – _no._ That was the past. There was no use thinking about all of that now. You needed to concentrate on the future.

You hadn’t much more time to think of that, because Kylo started coughing, badly. It didn’t sound like a passing thing, either. It sounded like the kind of cough that burrowed deep in your chest and rattled your bones. You didn’t know what to do, and so rubbed his back carefully. You could feel him shaking as the coughing subsided. You hadn’t quite realised how _ill_ he was. You bit your lip, worriedly.

 _He doesn’t sound so good,_ Barney whistled, quietly. It wasn’t even him pointing out the obvious to irk you. There was something in his voice which sounded genuinely concerned. Kylo’s hand reached up and grabbed your wrist. His grip was surprisingly strong, but you knew how stubborn he was – he was probably trying to convince you otherwise.

“I’m fine,” he croaked, looking up to you with those deep, dark eyes, shining gently in the thin beams of sunlight that trickled down through the holes in the ceiling. (You made a note to yourself – get that fixed before the planet’s rainy season started).

Gingerly you placed a hand on his cheek – like ice – and run a thumb over his chapped lips. You reached down and kissed him, not too roughly, but he sunk into it as if you were the only source of heat in the world. You didn’t even realise his arms had snaked round your waist and were pulling you towards him. You placed your hands firmly on his shoulders and pushed him away gently.

“No,” you said, knowing how far he would go to prove he was ‘fine’. He didn’t really put up much resistance, anyway. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” he whispered. And you were tempted to give in, you really were – you craved to be close to your lover, and indulge in him in ways you hadn’t for a year and a half.  But you had to put him first. You shook your head.

“Please sleep. You’re ill. You need to rest, and get some warmth back.”

He fixed you with those sad eyes and you felt awful, but you hardened your heart and pulled back the covers. He looked at you for a long moment.

“Stay with me,” he whispered. There was a fragility in his voice. You wondered if there was still a part of him that wasn’t quite sure if this was all true. And, honestly, you were kind of tired. You turned to Barney to tell him of your intentions but he had already powered down – you imagined that had probably been the case when Kylo had started kissing you with such intent. You looked back to the man and nodded.

You climbed in the bed and he followed you, quickly wrapping you in his arms as soon as you pulled up the covers. You returned the gesture. He was so thin, and so cold… but you heard his breathing even out quite quickly, and you knew he was asleep soon after. It wasn’t ideal. Not by a long shot. But you were going to keep him safe, and well, and you were both going to be happy.

Because you loved him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's only a short one, Folks! Just something to tide you over until I can get more down. Thank you for your patience, I've been busy recently - and sorry for any formatting errors as I'm on my phone!

"You again," says Sal, hacking up some sort of bile onto one of her hands.

  
"Yes, hello, Sal," you replied. Once her abrasiveness would have irked you, but now you know that it's as close to affection as Sal gets. Or if you were deluding yourself about the friendliness, at least she still appreciated your patronage. Money is money.

  
"Whaddya want now?" she sniffed. You had come to her twice in three days now, which was unusual, even for you and your certain, not-always-a-hundred-percent-government-approved item needs. She was usually pretty good. She had got you some circuits that had been government restricted when your ship was being tracked all that time ago, and she'd managed to get you your favourite type of discontinued cake. But you weren't here for that. 

  
"That medicine you... sourced for me, do you have anything stronger?" you asked. The last dose had been good and you had heard Kylo breathe more clearly afterwards, but there had been no real change aside from that.  
Sal looked around her shop - fronted as a general goods store - and apparently saw no one of threat. She nodded and reached under her counter, bringing out a small bottle of thick liquid. She held it in between two fat fingers for you to inspect.

  
"Military grade, for the Republic's top soldiers when they're out of action. Very hard to source and I've only got the one."

  
You nodded desperately and reached out for it, but Sal moved away. Hm. You were being blind about the friendship thing.

  
"Credits first. Two thousand."

  
You bit your lip. Cash had been tight lately. It had been a fortnight since you'd taken your lover from his prison and he wasn't improving as you'd hoped. You were reluctant to leave his side for too long apart from to get food, which meant no jobs; which meant that you had to be frugal. Barney had told you he could look after Kylo but you wanted to be here first hand.

Still, stealing from Sal would do more harm than good, so with a sigh you handed over the last of your credits on her rusted old payment machine. You watched your balance tick down to five credits left. Five credits left in the whole galaxy.

  
You didn't offer a goodbye. Sal grunted as you took your purchase and turned on your tail, wanting to get back quickly. You were reasonably sure that Barney wouldn't try to kill Kylo, but you didn't want to leave the two of them alone for too long. Plus, once again, you'd rather be there to look after Kylo yourself. Barney could keep an eye on his vitals but beyond that he wasn't much help. Kylo needed real medical treatment. Or as near as dammit.

  
You looked at the tiny vial in your hand and hoped for the best.  
Firing up your ship you noticed a full burning smell. Eurgh, that would be something else you'd have to fix. When you had the money. You tried to push the thought to the back of your head as you started up your engine and flew off the planet.

  
It was quiet when you touched back down outside your base. You had cleared out some of the foliage around the shack to make it easier for you to fly your ship, but apart from that it looked much the same as it had when you had arrived there two weeks ago.

  
At least the house was warm, you noted as you walked through the door. Kylo was lying on the bed, pretty much right where you'd left him, with Barney linked up to him via a sensor pad on his arm. Barney have you a faint beep of a hello as you began to decant the medicine into some tea on a rough, temperamental stove you'd managed to kick back into life.

  
"How is he?" you asked.

  
_Honestly?_ was Barney's reply. His usual snark wasn't there. You feared the worst.

  
"No," you said, a little laugh of desperation bubbling through.

  
_Then he'll be up and dancing around the room in an hour, holding you close and asking you to have his babies._

  
You smiled at Barney for the effort, but your uneasiness quickly returned.

  
"He's not... He isn't dying is he?"

  
It was a question you dreaded asking, and Barney paused before giving his diagnosis.

  
_No, but he's not getting better. I don't know what to say. I'm not a medic droid, so I don't really know much about this stuff_. He genuinely sounded quite distraught.

  
You mixed the medicine into a mug of fruit tea. It smelt strongly of aniseed and almost made you gag. You hoped that was somehow a good thing.

  
You brought the mug over to where your lover lay and gently shook him.

  
"Kylo. Kylo, love. You need to sit up and drink this."

  
He coughed and you winced, but he still did as he was bid. Your mind was cast back to those first few encounters on Starkiller Base, how stubborn he had been, how different it may be if it was that Kylo you held now. But it wasn't. That was the Dark Side's Kylo. This was yours.

  
You watched him drain the cup and then cough again before flopping back down. You traced his jawline with your hand and stood up.

  
"I'm sorry," you heard him call out after you. His voice was frail, and croaky, but you loved hearing it still. You choked back a sob.

  
"Kylo, you don't need to be sorry. I love you."

  
But he had already slipped back into a deep sleep. You held the empty vial closely against your chest. Dammit, Sal had better not have sold you short. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated recently everyone! I've been busy, not least of all with my non-fanfiction writing. I hope you enjoy the update and I'm sorry it's taken so long!

Sleep didn’t come easy to you that night. Every time you felt your eyes grow heavy a thought about what… what could happen to Kylo would come streaking through your head, jolting you back awake. And so you resigned yourself to a to just sitting and watching, keeping an eye of the rise and fall of your lover’s chest to make sure that it didn’t stop. The only sound, apart from the quiet wind outside, was Kylo’s raspy breathing as he tried to breathe through whatever illness was invading his body.

You wondered if in all of the years that he was part of the First Order if anyone had ever cared about him this much. You couldn’t imagine General Hux sitting by his beside, worrying long into the small hours about him. If anything the man would probably be throwing paperwork at an unconscious Kylo, snapping about how he was slowing down procedures. And though you knew that Phasma had a softer side to her it would surprise you if she had any real concern about her superior.

And Snoke… the man who had brainwashed Kylo into joining the Dark Side… he would never have seen Kylo as more than a pawn in his game of supremacy. An exceedingly powerful pawn, but a pawn nonetheless. And it hurt. It hurt to think about someone who you loved that much being abused like that.

You reached out and took his hand – cold now, instead of boiling hot, making sure not to disturb him. At least he seemed to be sleeping deeply. Hopefully that was a good sign. Hopefully.

At some point you looked out of one of the ramshackle windows that your shack had plastered in its walls and saw sunlight trickling in – and you also noticed that the fire was burning low. With a sigh you got to your feet and tried to ignore the headrush that not sleeping would give you.

 _Where are you going?_ Piped up Barney from the corner. It made you jump so much you nearly toppled back over onto Kylo.

“Shh!” you hissed at the droid. He did not listen, as usual.

_Oh come on, he’s out like a light._

“Is that a _pun?_ ” You were _not_ in the mood for this.

 _No! I am just saying it would take a herd of nerf trampling through this place to wake him up. Now where are_ you _going? You look like you’re about to pass out._

“We need more firewood. I’m going to get some,” you replied, pulling on your jacket.

 _You don’t usually do that until the third date,_ Barney called after you. You would have shot him a withering look but it was far too much effort. You heard him roll towards you.

_I don’t think you should go._

“No, I need to –”

_It’ll be fine. He’s asleep and that’s what he needs to recover. Nothing’s bothering him when he’s out like that. You, on the other hand, look like you’ll keel over at any second. When did you actually last sleep?_

Hm, good question. Not since you’d seen Sal, and… how many hours ago was that? You looked out into the impossibly bright… _brightness_ of the world outside your little hut and physically shuddered at the thought of physical excursion. You shuffled back inside, not bothering to close the door, happy to have a bit of natural light in the room.

“Fine. If we freeze to death, before I die I’ll use my last remaining strength to write a note saying it was your fault.”

_Honestly, if we were found on this backwater planet with a party consisting of a stolen droid, a wanted hacker, and a galaxy-wide fugitive, I’m not sure there’s a huge amount that can make this worse._

You kicked off your shoes – wow, you hadn’t even realised how stifled your feet had been, how long had you been wearing them for? – but kept on your jacket, lying down more heavily than you meant to as you closed your eyes. The last thing you saw before you fell into a deep, deep sleep was Kylo Ren’s profile silhouetted against the intruding light.

Clearly, you were more tired than you thought, because if you were any more awake your worrying about Kylo would have kept your eyes open. You were clearly running on adrenaline these past few days, really you didn’t think you’d had more than a few hours’ sleep in the last week, having been worried about Kylo’s worsening health and _then_ worrying about Sal’s medicine (which you hoped wasn’t just a bottle of stale piss which she had used to con you.)

When you finally stirred, the dawning light had been taken over by the orange glow that meant dusk was coming. You blinked and sat up in confusion, rubbing your face to try and come into focus. You were quite warm. Hot, actually. You looked over to where the fire was roaring, and where a new pile of logs had suddenly appeared – logs which you didn’t remember bringing.

You looked to the other side of the bed.

Kylo was gone.

You got to your feet – far too quickly, resulting in your second headrush that day – and run outside as quickly as you could.

And there he was.

He’d cleared a space in the messy grass, wide enough for him to sit cross-legged. His back was towards you but you didn’t have to be a genius to work out he was meditating. Barney sat quietly next to him as the warm sunlight bathed them both.

Hearing your arrival, Barney turned his head. And then so did Kylo.

His face was still thin, but the bags under his eyes were less noticeable, and there was a slight bit of colour to his cheeks. But all that faded into the background because when he smiled at you – yes, _smiled –_ everything you had been storing up over the last couple of weeks came to a forefront and you burst into tears.

And then you weren’t standing alone anymore, because his arms were around you, and your head was on his chest. You cried and listened to his heart beating, strong and steady next to yours, and let yourself get lost in him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOWEE sorry for all that angst folks.... but i promise, next chapter there will be smut. also barney chose to make himself scarce. he knew you were gonna bang.

“You… you can stop staring at me, you know,” came Kylo’s voice, but gently – there was no spite or mockery in his words. You shook you head, bringing yourself back into focus, unaware of what you had been doing. The two of you sat in the grass outside your makeshift home, the setting sun warming both your bones. After you had cried for an embarrassingly long time out of sheer _relief,_ Kylo had settled you onto the ground to let you get your breath back. And then, apparently, you had just sort of _looked_ at him.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, idly plaiting a couple of long blades of grass. You didn’t voice it, but you were worried that if you looked away from him he would disappear again. Or he would go back to lying on the bed, inches from death.

The words sounded ridiculous even as you thought them, and you hated yourself for acting like such a child, but it was true. Everything had been so up in the air for these past few days, it was taking your mind a little while to adjust to the idea that your lover was actually _back._ And alive, at least for the moment. You caught yourself staring again but this time you didn’t look away.

You traced your gaze over the thinness of his cheeks and the unkempt hair that flopped into his eyes. Between that and the beard that was creeping up his face, there was little of the man that you really recognised at all. Your mind hailed back to when you knew him on Starkiller Base, intimidating and cruel. Or was he? It seemed like such a long time ago now. All of those memories, it felt like they were clouded in fog – you couldn’t quite see them clearly. Especially the ones that were towards the last few weeks on Starkiller. Maybe, back then, the Dark Side had clouded you so much that it was difficult to pick apart the strands from the tangled mess of darkness your mind had been.

Well, be that as it was, you were here now. You doubted the you two years ago would believe that you’d be sat with Kylo Ren on this tiny insignificant planet, playing with grass, and exhausted from crying with relief over the fact he was okay.

You tried to think of what to say, but it was hard. Where would you start? You hadn’t spoken that much when you had rescued him, and then he had gone straight to being ill. There was so much that you wanted to tell him, that you wanted to make up for after all this time, but it seemed like there was no easy way for you to say everything you wanted to. So instead, you settled for something a lot more underwhelming.

“I like the beard.”

You had to choke back a giggle as his hand flew to his chin, stroking the hair there. He looked so… _innocent._

“I don’t. It’s coarse and irritating,” he mumbled, and you did fail holding back laughter then. You moved closer on your hands and knees and popped the braided grass you had just made into his beard and smiled at him.

“Well, so was I when we first met, and you learnt to love me,” you said, and then wondered if that had been a bit too forward seeing as you hadn’t really discussed, well, anything that had happened over the last however-many-months. But all that didn’t matter, because when you were close enough Kylo caught your face in one of those large, rough, careful hand and kissed you.

His lips were dry but they were as sure of themselves as they had ever been. His mouth worked gently against yours, coaxing your own open, and you hummed contentedly as you felt his tongue give a little nudge against yours. You relaxed into the kiss, allowing a hand to absent-mindedly wander up and tangle in his hair – but clearly you were a little too-absent minded, because the loss of the hand upset your balance and you both ended up on the floor.

“Ah-!” Kylo gasped as you fell on top of him, and with a squeak you moved back as quickly as you could.

“Oh no, Kylo, I-” but he simply took hold of you again and pulled you down so you were lying on his chest, and the two of you were looking straight up into the beautiful lilac-streaked sky where thousands of stars were just beginning to show. You were both quiet for a moment, content just to be next to one another.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, and his hand stroked your hair.

“You didn’t hurt me, I was just-”

“No. I mean. I’m sorry. About… everything,” you stated, forcing out the words, words which you wished you didn’t have to say.

There was a little silence and he paused, but then resumed playing with your hair.

“You did what was right. Being there was hurting you. I would have made the same choice for you. I should have made the same choice for _me_ ,” replied Kylo, and though it was reassuring to hear him speak with such newfound clarity about the evil of the Dark Side, you could hear a note of anger at himself in his voice. You reached up to entwine your fingers with his.

“I missed you. Every day. Every mission I went on I was thinking about you. Every night I lay in my bed you’d cross my mind. I loved you. And I still do.”

You felt his fingers squeeze your own.

“I love you.” A pause, a question that he didn’t want to ask: “Was… there anyone else?”

It took you offguard. There hadn’t been, of course, but you didn’t really expect it to even be an issue. Then again it was clear that you were quite a lot more… _experienced_ than Kylo was, so perhaps it was only logical that he thought you’d find your pleasures elsewhere.

Which you did.

In a sense.

There was no real easy way to tell Barney “Yo you gotta go into low power mode. I really need to get my vibrator out.”

“Of course not,” you admitted. “And… you…?”

“No. It was you. It was only ever you,” Kylo said, his voice low, and his mouth was suddenly on yours again and the weight of him was bearing down on you and holy _hell_ you hadn’t felt this good in a while. His tongue brushed against your lips and his hand left your hair to run over the curves of your body.

“Kylo… you’ve _just_ gotten better… I…”

“If I have to wait one more second for you, I might die,” he whispered into your ear, his voice low and gravelly. It went straight to your clit. You managed to speak more as you felt his teeth running against the soft skin on your neck, tracing your pulse.

“We should… go i-inside at least…”

“No,” he nipped you and you squeaked, but not in protest, “I want you here. Under the stars. I need to make love to you _now,_ ” he replied. You looked into his eyes, so deep and dark and soulful, and you realised _just_ how much you had missed him.

You nodded.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any spelling errors, I wrote this on my phone. But, as promised, the smut is here.

When he kissed you, there was far more fervour in it, far more urgency. His teeth clacked against yours as his mouth moved insistently against your own, and when you parted your lips a little he took full advantage.

His tongue slipped into your mouth as his lips crushed against yours. There was nothing innocent about this. Now that you were back with each other, safe for the time being, the sweetness had dissolved into something far more primal. This was a kiss of lust.

His hand reached to your breast and palmed it eagerly, a bit rough. It was the most glorious thing that you'd felt for months, and you moaned into the kiss as he did it, your hips bucking up into his. Even such a simple touch was making you wet, and you might have felt embarrassed at such a small thing turning you on so much, but feeling your lover's erection pressed against you made you forget all about that. You reached down a hand to palm him through his trousers, but his hand grabbed yours.

"No," he growled into your ear, stopping only to bite down hard on the soft skin of your neck and making you squeal, "not yet."

This was a change. You were used to being in charge on Starkiller, but this more dominant side of Kylo intrigued you. You decided to see what would happen. Obediently you removed your hand and let him pin both of your arms above your head. This act of submission encouraged him, and you felt Kylo's large, rough hand reach under your back and pull you closer.

You revelled the feeling of his body against yours. He was less muscled than the last time you had made love, but just being near him was enough. You honestly could have been satisfied with this, just kissing him for hours. But he was insistent. It wasn't just you who had been starved of this for a year.

His hand found the spot between your legs and he rubbed you, gently. You gasped and a very smug grin crept over his face. He looked how he used to look, self-assured, confident. It made you glad to see his happiness, even if you didn't like being teased in such a way.

His fingers moved between your legs, massaging your cunt from over layers of clothing. Even that was sensational. You moaned and threw your head back, letting the grass tickle your neck gently. There wasn't enough time to register when he had suddenly removed your bottoms and your panties, and you were just lying there, open and wet to his touch. You started upwards, surprised, but a hand went to your stomach and pushed you back so you were laying down.

You watched him from over the swell of your chest, his dark eyes locking with yours from down your body. Painfully slowly - he was clearly enjoying putting on a show - he pressed his face into your wet cunt, and breathed in. The noise he made was almost orgasmic.

"You can't imagine how I've missed you. The smell of you, it's fucking gorgeous. When you left, I'd sit there in the evenings, touching myself when I thought about your delicious cunt," he muttered. You moaned a little, this dominant side of Kylo both unnerving and exciting you. The dirty talk, though, you could get used to. He nudged your clit with that beautiful nose of his and you gasped.

"I'd wrap my hand around my cock and think about you, all wet, and how you tasted when I licked you, and how you felt as I would slide into you. But nothing compares to you being here."

You were shamefully wet now, but you didn't care. You mewled when his tongue darted out, licking a long stripe up you, tasting every inch. He breathed out a heavy sigh, the sound of a man waiting for something for a long time. His tongue lapped you again and again, rougher each time, the sensations driving you insane. He moaned at the taste of you, and his tongue explored everything it had missed - it circled your clit, kissed your lips, darted into you. You came far too quickly, not even expecting your orgasm. Instead it took you by surprise and you screamed, as loud as you wanted in this deserted place.

He clambered back over you, his beard and mouth covered in your slick, and kissed you. You could taste yourself on his tongue but you kissed him deeply, until he just tasted like himself again.

"Please be inside me," you choked, needing to feel that connection that you'd missed for these years. You thought he was going to contest it, but apparently you still held some domain over him. Kylo freed his erection, not bothering to remove any of his clothes. His cock was hard and red and leaking, and you swiped a finger over the head, gathering a bead of cum and licking it from your finger. He growled and kissed you again, and, with those strong arms of his, pulled you up at an angle so he could push into you.

"You are fucking incredible," he hissed.

He sheathed himself in one motion and you cried out. It was glorious. He fit inside you perfectly, and he was so thick and so good. You heard him make a similar noise of contentment and his breath was loud in your ear and hot on your neck. You lay there for a moment, just enjoying each other, this feeling you hadn't had for too long. But when he started to move it was even better.

With every thrust, you could feel the ridges of his glorious cock work against you, and hit the sweet spot inside you. With every pump you cried out. Kylo lifted himself up to look into your eyes as he fucked you, and your breathing got a lot shallower as you looked into his blown-wide pupils. He pulled you even closer to him so his cock could bury itself in you even deeper, and you felt his balls slap against you as he went harder and harder. The friction was glorious and your cries mixed with moans as you felt a second orgasm build and build, and then crescendo. You practically screamed as it rushed over you, and then Kylo was gone too, releasing himself in a hot torrent into you, his hips twitching as he finished.

When he was done, Kylo collapsed onto you. You were both sweat covered and satisfied, and his hand found yours, interlocking your fingers together. You smiled and felt the throb of his heartbeat against your chest and its echo in his dick, still inside you; locked in that intimate embrace. You stared up into the sky full of stars above and believed that somehow you had climbed through hell these past few months to ascend to heaven.

That was, of course, until you heard Barney's emergency siren from inside the house.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i havent updated for a while guys!! Here is the next chapter though, sorry its sort of slow and angsty, there will be action next chapter...

You loved Barney, of course, to the very bottom of your soul. But lying on the grass with your lover, half-naked, cum dripping down the inside of your legs, part of you really wished that he had _picked a better time._

The bigger, better, more caring part of you was the half that responded though. Something about that shrill beeping of his panicked you, and you were on your feet in seconds, redressing yourself as you ran into the house.

“Barney?! Barn?!” you cried, any other previous thoughts forgotten as you got closer to him. Your droid had propped himself against the corner of the room. His head hung limp against the wall, the only sign of movement the gentle red flashing in his eye socket.

“Oh shit. Oh, shit. Barney, what’s the matter?” you asked, dropping to a knee in front of him.

 _I’m… running very low… on power…_ Barney managed, his voice faint. You wondered if he was putting it on a little bit, but then again you’d never let him get _this_ close to no power before. His batteries desperately needed recharging.

You kicked yourself internally. You’d been so caught up in taking care of Kylo that you’d just pushed Barney to the back of your mind. How could you be so stupid? Barney needed you just as much as your lover did, and you’d just neglected him. Your best friend. The one other person in, well, the whole galaxy that meant anything to you.

He could be a little turd sometimes but you’d protect him to the ends of the universe. And you’d let him down.

Barney seemed to read your thoughts, or at least knew that look on your face.

_Don’t worry about it kid. You had other things on your plate._

“I could syphon the power from the ship…” you started, but Barney stopped you outright.

_What power? You’re running on empty anyway. And even if you did then where does that leave us? In the same place but a few days later and a useless ship. Girl. You need to go and get a job._

It was true. You’d had your blissful five minutes of peace with Kylo – _or five minutes of dick!_ Barney’s voice added in your mind – but now there were things to do, jobs to complete. Money you needed.

“Okay. I’ll go and see if Sal has anything lying about for me. And when I’ve got the money I’ll come as quick as I can,” you said.

 _Come as quick as you can…. I don’t usually do that sort of thing until the third date…_ Barney mumbled, as his systems forced him into low power mode. He flopped down and his head hit the floor.

The sunlight that was falling across the room became obscured and you looked up to see Kylo standing at the door.

“I have to go. I have to go and get Barney power,” you said, rising to your feet, even though it made your heart hurt to have to tear yourself away from your droid. Kylo walked up to you, needing only a couple of strides to cross the room, and cupped your face. The tenderness of the gesture opened a floodgate in you and you let a couple of tears run down your cheek.

“Ah shit, I swear I never cried so much before I ended up on Starkiller,” you muttered, wiping them away on a dirt-covered hole-ridden sleeve. You needed to get some changes of clothes as well, you noted sheepishly.

“Let me come too. I want to be with you,” Kylo said, gently. You snapped your head up to look at him and answered too quickly.

“No!” you stated, and something hardened in his eyes. You sighed at yourself and rested your hand over his large one that still caressed you, trying to show that you meant nothing by it.

“No, Kylo. Not no, just… You’ve just gotten better. I’ve spent all this time worrying about you and the last thing I want to do is put you back in the line of fire not a day after you’re back on your feet. No. Maybe when I’m confident you’re still improving but for now… just be here? Please?” you tried to keep the tremble out of your voice. Damn, it had been an emotional couple of weeks. You’d need a lot of comfort eating and bickering with Barney to start feeling yourself again.

Kylo stared into your eyes and it felt like he was pushing into your soul. They were so dark, so deep. So… lost. But then again you had probably been his only constant these past couple of years, and he probably didn’t want you to leave him all alone here. Not that you wanted to leave him alone either.

“You will come back,” he forced out, his voice lower than usual. It wasn’t really a question, but it wasn’t really a statement either. It was the desperate words of a man who didn’t want to be left alone again. It pulled at your heartstrings. You pressed a kiss into his palm, then went on your tiptoes and met his lips with yours.

“Of course I will, silly man,” you said, gently, “If it was up to me I’d never leave at all. But look after yourself. And make sure Barney doesn’t start to grow mould or anything.”

He pulled you back against him, breast to chest, and kissed you long and hard once more. He was reluctant to let you go once the embrace had run its course, but you knew you couldn’t stay for any longer.

“If you could have some of that waiting for me when I get back, I promise you I’ll be as fast as I can,” you said, and something that was almost a smile brushed his lips. You pulled yourself away from his arms and forced yourself into the ship.

You hated to leave him but you had to be pragmatic. Besides everything about his health, he was a liability. It was uncomfortable to admit but it was true. He had been good with a lightsaber but his blade must have been taken from him months ago, and without being able to use the Force, you didn’t know how he would hold up in a battle. You would have to practice sparring with him when you got back.

 _If you get back,_ echoed a quiet voice in your head which you resolutely ignored.

It hurt, seeing him watch you fly away. The last time you had been in this position you hadn’t seen him for a year and a half…

You bit your lip. No. It was different now. You were coming back, and you were going to make this work. Your ship complained noisily as it made its way into the air, but at least it stayed in flight.

“Out of the frying pan,” you muttered to yourself as you set a course for Sal’s, and hoped against hope she would be ready to haggle.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh shit." The words were probably the most apt for your situation, and you muttered them desperately as bullets whizzed past you, missing your head by centimetres. It had seemed like a simple job. Well; dangerous, but straight forward. Sal had put you in touch with a bunch of pod racers looking for a big win in a competitive race. That involved you making the other pods have a... slight malfunction. It should have been quick: get in, upload a disrupting virus to their circuits, get out again. Risky job but lucrative pay, enough to fill your ship up eight times over. Of course, just when things were going well and you had made it uninterrupted to the final pod, the worst had happened. What your employers had not told you was that one of the pods belonged to the Hutt Cartel. And, like most people, the Hutt Cartel did not appreciate having their racers rigged, especially when large sums of money were riding on that particular race. So, when some goons had appeared to check on their boss's investments, their natural reaction when they saw someone tinkering with it was to open fire.

So this was how you found yourself running down the hangar of the racetrack, zigzagging past pod racers, and hoping desperately that you wouldn’t get hit. Part of this was because you could never forgive yourself if you died whilst Kylo was all alone at your hideaway, leaving him with nothing but the thought that you had abandoned him again; but for the most part you were just very anxious to not end up a big red splatter on the wall.

You threw yourself behind a sturdy engineer’s station as a bullet made impact with the ground to the right of you, leaving a scorch mark on impact. There were yells of indignation from the people following you, and you assumed that meant you had given them the slip. For now, anyway. You breathed heavily and rooted around for the low-grade communicator the employers had given you. It wasn’t much more than a fancy walky-talky, but you clung to it desperately as you hissed into the mouthpiece.

“Hello?! Are any of you there?!” you screeched.

“ _Uh, yeah, hi? What’s up?”_ crackled back a voice over the intercom. You could vaguely place the voice to its owner – he had been the chatty one of the group, humanoid, far too self-assured.

“I’m being chased down by Hutt Cartel! That’s what’s up!” was your reply, trying to keep the terror from your voice as your pursuers shouted at you in a language you did not understand.

“ _Ah, oh. Right. Shit. You’ll probably want to get out of there then.”_ Before you could hurl profanities down the line, he continued, “ _Oh, Z asks if you finished uploading the virus.”_

Z was another one of your ‘employers’, you couldn’t remember if they were the silent Trianii or the little drunk one whose species you couldn’t recognise.

“Yes, I did, but _I am about to die,”_ you screeched.

“ _Right. Well there isn’t much we can really do about that. Just try and…_ not _die?”_

You let out a screech of frustration and shoved the receiver back into your pocket. Your heart was beating a mile a minute. You tried to calm yourself, tried to _think_. You couldn’t let yourself die. Barney and Kylo were waiting for you. That left you with two options: fight or run.

Running appeared to be getting you nowhere. You might have been able to get to the garage where you had stored your ship if you hadn’t got people trailing you, but the fact was, you did. You had to think, _think!_ What would… what would Phasma do in this situation?

At the thought of your old friend your heart gave a little pang, but there was no time for that now. Phasma would probably first chastise you for getting into this situation in the first place, but you were doing that to yourself enough anyway. Then she’d probably try and ascertain the pursuers’ whereabouts. Alright, that was a start.

You moved just enough to see the station behind you, and grabbed a piece of shining metal that looked like it could have been used for hood repairs. It cast reflections well enough, or at least you hoped. Gingerly you held it out at arm’s length and looked.

The assailants were checking behind the various pods for you. They were taking their time about it, though, knowing that you had you were unarmed (once again, something to thank your ‘employers’ for). They were probably enjoying playing with you. However, it did seem like there were only three of them.

Three wasn’t so bad. Three you could maybe handle. You’d done it before for Kylo.

One of them was heading towards where you were hiding, so you quickly retracted your makeshift mirror. He didn’t know precisely where you were and so you had the element of surprise, and that was something to your advantage. You quietly picked up the sturdiest looking wrench at the station and gripped it tightly, holding your breath.

As soon as his leg came into view you smashed into it with your weapon using all the force you could muster. The man screamed as there was a satisfying _crack_ on impact, and his leg buckled under your attack. He fell to the floor and dropped his blaster.

You grabbed the weapon as quickly as you could and leapt to your feet. The others had just noticed you, and you fired madly in their direction.

Luck was with you. One of your shots hit one of the men directly in the shoulder and he squealed and dropped his gun, cradling his injury. The other fired back at you, his aim deadly, and he would have had a direct shot had the man you had just crippled not grabbed your leg and tripped you.

The breath was knocked out of you but nothing worse. Instead you brought the meat of your palm down hard on his nose and he screeched in pain, letting go of you. The final assailant had caught up to you in that time and was reloading his blaster, but with all the energy you could muster you brought up both your legs and slammed them into his crotch.

He made the most pathetic noise you had ever heard and he doubled over. You snatched his blaster from his grip and, breathless, run out of the place as fast as you could, not looking back, barely even breathing until you got into your ship and left the planet’s surface.

Sal’s was reasonably quiet by the time that you arrived there. Your employers were nowhere to be found but there was a broadcast playing from somewhere behind the bar – from what you could make out it was coverage of the race which had gone ahead as planned. That didn’t surprise you. Any race involving the Hutt Cartel was _going_ to have some dodgy dealings, and if the officials called off every race for misconduct there wouldn’t _be_ any races. It sounded like the pod you hadn’t fixed was winning, not that you were surprised.

“Sal, where’s-”

She held up her hand to silence you. “Gone. They’re gone. But you’ve had the credits transferred to your account. I got this out for you,” she lifted a battery up onto the bar, the perfect kind of charging Barney, “and I told the boys to fill up your ship when you arrived. So I took out my expenses from your pay. Also, there were some people asking for you. They looked like Hutt goons.”

Oh shit, already? Well, word travelled fast round this part of the galaxy, and if it was a particularly lucrative race you couldn’t imagine the Cartel would take kindly to having it rigged.

“You didn’t tell them where I was…?”

“I _don’t_ know where you are,” she replied, sniffing, “but I did take another hundred to buy my silence. Though that’s not to say they won’t track your ship.”

You couldn’t expect anything more from her. She was, after all, a crook. But you thanked her anyway, grabbed the battery, and headed back to your ship where her attendants were just finishing refuelling your vessel. You thanked them hurriedly and returned to the pilot’s chair, flying off as quickly as you could.

Kylo was waiting for you when you touched down. You descent was less than graceful and you knocked a few branches loose of the nearby trees but that was the least of your worries. You had to get Barney and Kylo away from here.

You run out the hatch door as soon as it opened and grabbed your lover by his arms. He looked mildly unsettled by how frantic you were.

“We need to get off-planet. _Now,_ ” was all you said, running inside to get the battery hooked up to Barney.

“What? What did you _do?_ ” he asked, and you knew he was furrowing his eyebrows in that curious way of his even when you weren’t looking at him. You attached Barney’s charging wires to the battery and tapped your foot impatiently.

“I’ll explain later, but we _need_ to get away from here and get a new ship. This one’s probably being tracked by Hutt Cartel.”

“Hutt Car-”

“Yes, yes, gangsters. Gangsters are probably looking to find me and rip off my arms right now.” You smacked Barney on the head to try and get him to wake up.

“Let them try,” he muttered, and it was sort of sweet in the way he was sticking up for you, but also ridiculous.

“No, don’t let them try, let’s just get the hell out of here,” was your reply, and breathed a sigh of relief as Barney blinked back into life.

_What… what?_

“We need to get going, _now.”_

 _Oh shit. What did you_ do?

“I WILL EXPLAIN ON THE SHIP,” you shrieked, picking up the battery and carrying it underarm as Barney began to roll out the door. With your free hand you took Kylo’s arm and tugged him along after you. He seemed uncertain.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s short notice, but I’m going to take care of you. I’ll be damned if anyone forces us apart again. And right now preventing that involves getting the hell away from here.”

Kylo’s dark eyes were hard to read but after a moment he nodded, trustingly. So the three of you packed yourselves onto the ship and you took off back to Sal’s, casting one final look at a base you would never be able to use again.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *walks in two years later with a starbucks*

Sal’s was as sparse as ever when the three of you finally stumbled into her bar. You honestly wondered how she kept the place open seeing as she never appeared to have more than about five customers in at a time - but you didn’t have time to think about that. You sat Kylo and Barney in the corner whilst you went to do business. Kylo’s eyes darted nervously from you to the rest of the room and his whole body stiffened. You held onto his shoulder and looked into his eyes, centring him.  
“You’ll be fine here,” you say, wishing his entrance back into the outside world could be under better circumstances.  
Well, you might get shot. But in that case. Just shoot first, Barney piped up. You shot him a withering look and cupped Kylo’s cheek in what you hoped was a reassuring way, gently running your thumb over the burgundy scar that bit itself into his face.  
“I trust you,” he said simply. You smiled at his simple words and pressed a kiss into his forehead then headed over to Sal.  
“That your latest piece of ass?” Sal asked, sniffing and pointing her chin over to where Kylo sat uncomfortably in the corner. You silently kicked yourself for bringing too many of your flings into this place. Then again, Kylo wasn’t just a fling.  
You shook your head, clearing your senses. No time for that.  
“Is there anywhere I can offload a ship and uh… get a new one?”  
Sal raised an eyebrow but didn’t press questions about it. You were silently thankful for it.  
“Yeah, speak to the guy in the corner. He can probably cut you a deal.”  
“Thanks Sal, I owe you one.”  
“At this point? You owe me twelve,” she stated, walking off behind the bar. You approached the person she’d pointed out - a one-eyed Zabrak in a beat up duster. He listened politely to your request, got you to buy him two more of Sal’s most expensive whiskies - which luckily were still pretty cheap - and then was happy to get down to business.  
And that was how, a couple of hours later, you found yourself in your new ship - it looked like it was salvaged from scrap parts but it flew just fine. Kylo sat quietly in the copilot’s seat next to you, Barney beeping loudly in the background.  
_Why do you have to do illegal shit. Why can’t you do nice, moral things which allow us to keep the ships I like._  
“You’d get bored if we did moral shit,” you sighed.  
_You don’t know that._  
“Those two months I spent writing code for that peacekeeping group were the most annoying you’ve ever been. Kept begging me to leave. I think “tedious “ was your word.”  
Barney spluttered as he tried to think of a comeback, but you both knew you’d won. You turned to look at Kylo. He was looking ahead, staring off into the cosmos. A gently hand on his made him jump back into reality, and he gave you a tired smile.  
“You ok?” you asked, gently.  
“I’m fine. You’re the one I’m worried about. You’re non-stop you know,” he said quietly, taking your hand in his. You sigh and rub your eyes, pushing your fingers into the lids until you saw bright spots.  
“Yeah. I know. But I do it for you. For us.” Barney beeped indignantly to remind you of his presence. “For all of us.”  
Kylo hummed a note and pressed the back of your hand to his lips. You sat there for a moment, content, before he asked the inevitable question.  
“So what’s next?”  
“Well. I have a few places scattered around. But I think what’s best is if we tried to blend in. So, we’re heading to Wukkar.”  
Woo! Party central! Barney squeaked, but you felt Kylo stiffen.  
“What’s the matter?” you asked.  
“Nothing. Just. That’s a busy planet.”  
“Yeah, and full of humans. Easy place to disappear into.”  
Kylo gave a wry smile.  
“I’m sorry. If it’s too much, we can find somewhere else…?”  
“No. I said I trust you. And I do,” he replied. And then with conviction, “Wukkar.”  
***  
It took you a week to get to Wukkar. Luckily the ship was stocked with supplies, even if it was only dried food. The journey was… tense wasn’t quite the right word, but Kylo didn’t speak much. Not that he really did since you had rescued him, becoming quiet and contemplative. You guessed he did have a lot to think about after all.  
You touched the ship down in a run down ship lot that was watched by a Rodian who didn’t look particularly trustworthy; but nodded when you gave him a few credits to guard your property. You clutched Kylo’s hand and tried to make sure he stayed calm, especially as you got into the city and the streets got busier. You felt Barney run into your heels a couple of times but you were relieved he was still there - it wouldn’t be the first time on some crowded planet someone had tried to pick him up and run. Luckily he was a heavy little bugger, and wriggly too.  
You took a couple of wrong turns as you tried to remember how to get back to your little flat here, but soon you found the run down building that hosted the few rooms you bought some years ago for dirt cheap and fixed up. You stood at the apartment door, trying to remember the code, when the neighbouring door opened up.  
An older human woman with dyed black hair looked up at your group and smiled with surprising warmth.  
“Oh, hello! Are you our neighbours?”  
You and Kylo exchanged a look.  
“Uh. Yes.”  
“Well it’s good to meet you. I’m Vec, and my wife is Suli. She’s the grumpy one,” Vec laughed jovially. “What are your names?”  
You introduced yourself and Barney, before turning to Kylo and freezing. What did you want to introduce him as? “Kylo” seemed a bit on the nose. Luckily, though, and to your surprise, he jumped in.  
“Ben,” he said. “I’m Ben.”  
“Well it’s nice to meet such a lovely young couple,” she said, and shook your hands. You remembered the code and put your shoulder to the door to open it, and were met with the smell of must. Inside you removed the dust sheets from the few items of furniture you had, in silence.  
“So,” you said, “Ben?”  
“Yes. It was my name…. before,” he summarised. You nodded slowly.  
“Shall I call you that too?”  
“I’d like that,” he said quietly. You squeezed his hand and gave him a smile.  
That night sleep didn’t come easily to you, but it did to Kylo - well, Ben. It was a good sign you thought. Maybe this would give you the chance to start anew. No more mistakes from either of you.  
You watched Ben sleep in your dusty double bed, his chest rising and falling. Barney gently bumped against your leg.  
“What’s up buddy?” you asked, quietly, so as not to wake him.  
_I hate to say this but. I have a transmission incoming. Someone says they want to meet to talk to you. About Kylo Ren._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I went MIA, I will try and write more.... don’t be mad guys :(


	9. Chapter 9

Your heart beat faster for a moment, and bile rose in your throat. Who knew you had him? How could they have tracked you down? You had tried to cover your tracks, but clearly not well enough.

“Okay. How often are you getting the signal through?”

_Once every hour or so. And it doesn’t sound automated. I mean, it’s mostly the same message, but every now and then it changes to something like “I want to discuss Kylo Ren” or “it is important I know about Kylo Ren.”_

“Right,” you sucked air in through your teeth and scratched your head. “Okay.”

_Oh, and. Something else. Remember when we were on Starkiller?_

“Yes, that Big Thing that happened and changed our lives.”

_Well, I was communicating my SOSs to the Resistance. And the channel they were replying on? It’s the same channel I’m receiving this message from._

Fuck. The Resistance. You didn’t know if that was better or worse than the government finding you. You rubbed your forehead and grimaced.

“Okay. Thanks, Barn.”

_Hey, don’t mention it. I know you’d rather I hadn’t._

You knew the next inevitable question was going to come. ‘What do we do now?’ Well. You couldn’t keep running. That wouldn’t do you or Ben any good in the long run. What was best was to try to keep him in one place where he could adjust to… being normal. And if Barney was picking up signals it was only a matter of time before they could track you down.

But you guessed if they wanted to ambush you, they could have by now. It didn’t fill you with a whole lot of reassurance but it it was something at least. So you sighed.

“Communicate back. Tell them I’ll meet them at Sal’s in three days.” Three days should be enough if you fly recklessly.

 _Okay_ , Barney said, a note of uncertainty in his voice, but unwilling to argue.

“Oh, and Barn?”

_Yeah?_

“You can’t tell Ben about this. He’ll just worry. And that’s the last thing we need right now.”

_Are you sure…?_

“I need you to promise me.”

_I… ok. I promise._

There was no point trying to sleep now. You instructed Barney to stay where he was and went wandering. You needed to get some supplies for your little home anyway, and in a place like Wukkar, something was always open. It never slept. Somehow you found relief in the thrumming heartbeat of the place. The crowd made you feel insignificant. Which is sometimes what you needed giving that everything could seem so overwhelming, what with you smuggling one of the galaxy’s biggest criminals out of max security. Ah geez.

Eventually you found your way back to the flat, and pure exhaustion allowed sleep to take you after you had unstocked your purchases into your various cupboards. The last thing you remembered was wrapping yourself around Ben, and listening to the soft sounds of his breathing.

You woke up the next morning to an empty bed but the sounds of life in the next room. You groaned and threw the sheets over your head, and when you had enough energy you forced your legs over the side and shuffled through into the next room, taking the covers with you as a shroud.

The smell of cooking hit you and your started to salivate. Ben stood at your little stove top, poking at a pan over the fire. You came up behind him and buried your face into his back. He hummed a contented note.

“I don’t think I’ve had anyone to cook for me since… well. Maybe ever,” you sigh.

“Don’t get your hopes up. I’m not very good,” Ben replied, with a lightness in his voice.

“Also I’ll basically eat anything. So that will probably help.”

He turns around to look at you, and your eyebrows shoot up. For the first time since you rescued him, he’s clean-shaven. There are a few cuts on his face - clearly he’s out of practice - but he looks much better for it. You also take in his brushed hair, wrestled back into a ponytail.

“You look… good,” you say, lamely.

“Better than before anyway,” he sighs. “Thanks for. You know. Going shopping.”

“Are you gonna cut you hair, or leave it as is?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet. I guess it’d be nice for it to be short.”

 _Don’t let her near your hair. She cuts her own and complains about her bangs for weeks,_ chirps Barney. You flip him the bird and feel Ben chuckle under you. This is nice, you think to yourself. It feels so normal. You and your partner and your best friend just being in a flat, joking around, doing ordinary domestic things.

Despite what he says, the food isn’t bad. You only have one chair at your table so sit on the counter while you eat, kicking your legs out childishly. It feels good to have a warm meal for a change. You finish yours off quickly and then scrape the pan out for leftovers.

“Hungry?” he asks, moving towards the sink, and you instinctively move the pan away from him protectively. He laughs, and it’s the most beautiful sound in the universe.

But that won’t last.

“I have to go back to Sal’s. There’s a job for me there,” you say, and not all of it is a lie. Ben looks at you with a sadness in his beautiful eyes.

“We only just got here,” he says, softly.

“I know. And I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’d just like to make sure we have enough credits to live comfortably for a while is all,” you say, taking his hand and pushing a kiss into his palm. He uses the action to cup your cheek and pull your lips gently to his. You love kissing him - you sort of feel like a teenager with the little thrill it gives you every time.

“Okay. If that’s what you think is best,” he says.

 _When are we leaving?_ Barney piped up from behind you. You shook your head.

“No, you’re staying with Ben.”

The room stilled for a moment.

_Are you sure?_

He’d been asking that a lot lately  

“I can communicate with you through the ship. If you aren’t here I can’t keep Ben updated too. And besides I need you two to look out for each other,” you sighed. Barney rocked back and forth, clearly unhappy with the situation, but understanding it.

  
It fucking hurt to leave the two of them on Wukkar, but it was necessary. You needed to make sure nobody got hurt in the crossfire, if there was one.

As you expected you managed to get to Sal’s quickly when it was just you on the ship - when you’d been on route to Wukkar you’d flown wide, erratically, in the hope to throw off anyone who was tracking you. The journey there was a lot more simple and direct. You rearranged the blaster at your hilt for the hundredth time, not liking the idea that depending on how this situation went down, you might have to use it. You felt nauseous. That never happened. Before mission you were usually excited. This was different. This was about the safety of the love of your life.

You landed at Sal’s three days later, as you’d predicted you would. Your stomach was in your throat and you forced it down. You’d get this over with and go back to Wukkar, and live your - well, if not normal, as close to normal as possible - life.

  
The doors to the bar swang open. Sal’s was busier than normal. You scanned the seats, looking for anyone who stood out. The Wookiee in the corner, maybe? No, he was in a gambling match. Maybe the shifty looking Sullustan who couldn’t stop twitching? Maybe -

And then your eyes fell on her. Oh fuck. Oh, shit.

Sitting at a booth on her own, nursing a glass of something dark and half-empty, sat someone who you’d only met in passing. Who you were ashamed to say you hid from before you made your leave of the Resistance base, being too uncomfortable to talk to her about your… shared interest in Ben.

General Leia Organa locked eyes with you from across the bar.

Fuck. 


End file.
